why I write
One week until UP IN MOLTEN LIGHTS releases!
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why I write.
Writing a novel takes so much time, energy, and brain space. When I’m in a project, I’m in it. Consumed by it. Being present in every day life takes conscious and intentional effort in those periods of time. In a way, it’s a sacrifice. I’m spending so much energy on something that I’m not spending elsewhere. And yet, I don’t know how to not do it. I can’t seem to stop.
So, why?
On one hand, I think writing, at least for me, is the definition of Type-2 fun. A lot of the time, it’s not very enjoyable. Sometimes it’s downright miserable. But when I do have a breakthrough? It’s exhilarating. I chase that high. And after the fact, when I look back on what I’ve achieved? It’s amazing.
The second and final book in The Crimson Curtain series comes out next week!
It’s been so long since I finished Up In Molten Lights that I honestly keep forgetting it’s happening. Then, in random moments, it’ll hit me—and I just get swept up by this wave of astonishment. Up In Molten Lights is the hardest project I’ve ever completed, and though I’m proud of it as a piece of art, I think I’m even more proud of how I changed throughout the process of it. This book taught me how to balance work and life. It saw me become a mother, and gave me something that was me to cling to while I got swept up in becoming a we. It taught me how to write fast, how to embrace my own process, how to trust. It’s hard to explain, and also hard to overemphasize how much writing is tied to who I am as a person. Every book makes me grow in ways that have nothing to do with writing.
On the other hand, I think I write because it gives me an outlet to explore the messy parts of humanity, especially the parts I struggle to understand.
I am a reviser. I really don’t love the first draft process, or even the second draft. It’s in the later drafts—4, 5, even 6—where I thrive. Part of this could be because of perfectionism. It’s nice to work on something that feels like it’s working. But even more so, I think it’s because that’s when my characters come alive. In early drafts, they feel hollow to me. Cardboard. Inconsistent. I struggle to get excited about people who don’t feel true. But later drafts? That’s when they become real.
There’s something cathartic for me about exploring the depths of a person’s mind. Asking them, Why are you the way you are? and letting their truth come to light, no matter how messy it is. I think I’m drawn to morally grey characters especially, because there are so many horrible people in this real world that I will never truly understand, and I find it helpful to imagine why people might do horrible things. And I’m equally drawn to exploring the mistakes that verifiably ‘good’ people make because of the ways they’ve been wounded or misguided. It gives me hope, I think, to imagine that people can change and horrors can be stopped.
Firin, Bregan, and Hulei have kept me company since the early days of the pandemic. Through Firin’s eyes I explored all the ways in which people wear masks over their true selves, and how that harms our ability to love in ways that could heal the world. Through Bregan I explored the mistakes that well-meaning people make in the pursuit of justice, and how admitting those mistakes and shifting course can change everything. On the flip side, Hulei was an opportunity for me to examine one way in which terrible people might justify their actions to themselves.
The Crimson Curtain series is about the messiness and imperfections of democracy, because democracy, by definition, is guided by humans—and humans are messy and imperfect. It’s about the vulnerability required for love and justice to prevail. I learned so much writing it, and I’m so incredibly proud of it.
There were times while writing Up In Molten Lights when I seriously wondered if I was cut out for this work, if storytelling was truly for me. Now that I’m on the other side, I can confidently say that I don’t have a choice. Writing is part of me. I’ll keep writing whether people are reading or not, because it’s part of being human for me.
But I do hope you’ll read it.
Even more, I hope you love it.
Pre-order Up In Molten Lights today. It releases on Tuesday, August 26th.
And if you can, please consider leaving ratings and reviews on Amazon and Goodreads! It truly helps spread the word.
xo, E
Hey! I’m E.B. Golden. Narrative Threads is a (sometimes) weekly newsletter where I share things I’m learning as I write my fiction stories and living a human life. I also share updates about my suspenseful romantasy novels. You can learn about The Crimson Curtain duology here.